Hibernating, 25 May 2010

We were talking at work today about why I don't like the Flyers. Have you noticed that every one of my posts has some variation of the phrase, "We were talking at work today?" Just because I work for the government, please don't get the impression that ALL I do is sit around, talking about sports. Sometimes, we talk about other things. Just kidding! Ha ha! Please don't tell the Government Accountability Office. Crap. I am so busted.

Actually, I have to burst your bubble about government slothliness. We multitask and, while we are saving the world from mean, nasty, ugly people, we yabber about all kinds of cool stuff. The other day, we talked about different callibers of ammunition. See what I mean? Fun Central!

So, back to the story at hand. The question is: here I am, a Pennsyltucky boy, born and bred. I should be thrilled that a PA team is in the Cup Finals. But.....not so much. I don't really have anything against the individual players on the Flyers. I am sure they are marginally nice guys who just have the misfortune to play for a crappy city. Let's put aside all the many, many reasons I don't like Philly, even the fact that Philadelphia is not Pittsburgh. I just can't cheer for a team with orange uniforms. Come on, now. Orange? Are you serious? Orange is just fine if you live in Syracuse. (Right. Don't ask me why. They kind of get into all that Orangeman stuff.) Only the worst professional teams have orange uniforms. Case in point: Cincinnati Bengals. The tiger stripe could be cool but not on a perennial loser team like the Bungles.

Oooh, wait! How about the Cleveland Browns? It is just sad when you name your team after a color and then get the wrong color. What happened that day? The decorator had a hangover? "Oh, I swear, Mr. Modell! Those uniforms were just the brownest brown when I colored them!" (Cleveland fans can all take a momentary pause to spit and curse Art Modell. Never letting THAT one go, are we?)

A friend brought up that the Knicks wear orange and are horrible but that goes outside of my sports range. I stopped caring about about basketball when the Pittsburgh Condors bit the big one and we had to endure that ridiculous "The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh" movie. Who in the wide, wide world of sports picked my beloved town for a movie starring Gary Coleman? Sheesh!

In fact, the one saving grace of the Pirates is that they have not shifted to an orange uniform. That tells me that someday, somehow, in a universe far, far away, the Buccos might not suck so much. I hope.

And all this comes back to the Flyers. They're from Philadelphia. And they wear orange. Yick. Guess I'll be a Blackhawks fan for a few weeks.