Put Me In, Coach. I'm Ready To Play!

Remember John Fogerty's song, Centerfield? It's a snappy celebration about the beginning of baseball season. You can't keep your feet still when the song is on, all full of promise and good things to come. Baseball is not something we typically celebrate in Pittsburgh. But football...ah, football! This is absolutely the best time of year, with changing leaves and fresh mown hay. Man, nothing smells better than football season. Well, except maybe apple pie. And fresh brats with grilled onions. Oh, hell, throw in a cold, yeasty beer or twelve and call it a tailgate party. We are talking heaven on earth, my friends. Only one thing makes it better and that would be cheering for the best football team on the planet.

Yes, it is true. I kind of like the Steelers. Everything about them is cool. Follow me, here. On any other team, playing your fourth string quarterback means you have to ask him to stop parking cars or selling sno-cones. In Pittsburgh, our fourth string turned out to be better than many first string QBs. Charlie Batch is an all-around great guy and we knew he could manage a game. I don't think many of us believed he could kick the crap out of another team, though, and be so humble about it, afterward.

I love the team first attitude. Take James Harrison's recent comments about how the defensive players would die for Coach LeBeau and Troy Polamalu's belief that he is more lucky than good. Fans of lesser teams (meaning all of them) call this false modesty but the Steelers sound sincere to me. Aren't they just like a normal family? You have the goofy brother, who always has the big smile, no matter how hard you hit him. Over there, you have the nine or ten guys who will stick up for you in a fight and that one really scary dude that no one wants to piss off. Here, you have the big doof of a little brother, who is always doing something stupid and you just want to staple that motorcycle helmet on his head and tell him to stay the hell out of college bars. You have a bunch of guys who could retire or second stringers who could start for another team but they stay for the family. This is the reason I am a Steelers fan.

Other teams make that kind of noise, but you believe it in Pittsburgh.  You will notice that our players all talk about taking it "one game at a time" and "concentrating on next week's opponent." That kind of humility works. For players. Fortunately, I am a fan and not subject to rules of humilty. In fact, being a fan gives me the right to be wildly enthusiastic. For Steeler fans, a bad season is one where we do not win the Super Bowl. Forget those 13 and 3 seasons, baby. Show me the Lombardi. This year, I am more wildly enthusiastic than normal, and that is saying something. I am already counting down our magic number. Usually, I am satisfied with eleven wins and a playoff berth. If that were the case, our magic number would be eight. Eight wins and/or Bungles/Rat Bird losses and we are in the post season.

This year, though, I am taking a tip from Coach Tomlin. I am cheering with intensity. Ladies and gentlemen, our magic number is 16. As freaky good as the defense is playing and with an offense that has something to prove, this is our undefeated season. Why not us? The Patriots tried to go undefeated but couldn't hang. The Colts looked like they were trying but wimped out in the end. That leaves it up to us. It is time for a real team to give it a shot. I'm going all "George McFly" this season:

"Undefeated season, you are my density."

Coach has the team all fired up so why can't this be our year? After the press conference where Tomlin melted down about the premature rumors of the Steeler's death, I read an interview with James Farrior. He said that Coach Tomlin was taking out his anger on the team so the team was taking it out on the rest of the league. That's the right attitude. Play on the grass where the blood stains don't show. The fans are doing their part, too, making Raymond James a home stadium for the day. That had to be one outrageous show, even with the humidity. To give you an idea of how bad it gets in Tampa, I was there a few weeks ago. On the flight home, the airline had the AC jacked up so high to combat the humidity, we walked through a cloud to get to our seats. See for yourself:

Tackling people in this kind of heat had to be a real pain. At first, during the Tampa game, I though the Steelers were making very poor tackles. It looked like the Bucs players were greased because our guys could not hold on. I saw a lot of ankle tackles and realized everyone must be sweating like pigs. Get those tight uniforms wet enough and they get awfully tough to grab. This was an impressive win.

I work in DC and have to be around fans of all kinds of crappy teams on a regular basis. Fortunately, there are plenty of Steelers fans to even things out. Needless to say, my talk of an undefeated season, three games in, does not play well. Redskins fans do not bother with me. They have their own troubles. Cowboys fans are still a few wins away from reverting to their normal, overbearing selves.  The fun ones are the few Ravens fans, who seem like otherwise normal people, despite their brain defects. They do not think the Steelers will survive the week, let alone the season. Ha, I say! They dream of their single moment in the sun, when they lucked into winning a Super Bowl. One even said we will need a quarterback to win another Super Bowl. Ummm...Trent Dilfer? Hello? I would take the Statue of Leftwich over Dilfer any old day! With Batch at the helm, I am not worried.

I do not expect the Steelers to lose in the next few years. If the unthinkable happens and the Ravens actually beat us, next Monday will be a smidge uncomfortable. Not that it will happen, though. In fact, I am planning to bring back the Playoff Beard around Week 10 or 11. Nothing can stop us now!

The Good, the Bad and the Pirates

Every year, some wizards at Beloit College put together a list of cultural changes in the lives of new college students. I'm sure you've seen the list. Kids going to college this year never made Jiffy Pop, used bar soap or got up to change the channel. But Beloit missed one key cultural change. The Class of 2014 was born in 1992. For them, the Pirates have always been a crappy team. For them, it is completely normal to hear someone call, "Wait till next year!" while still in Bradenton for spring training.

But not this year. NO way! We have our secret weapon. Okay, I know it's September. Yes, I know that the Buccos would have to win six games every day for the next month just to reach mediocre. I also know that the Pirates are 743 games under .500. I got all that. But there is.........hope! Our secret weapon has arrived:

Yep, the kid that saved Pittsburgh is back. Apparently, Sidney can swing more than one kind of stick. He showed up at Pirates batting practice and knocked a couple to the wall. Then he went to the yard, putting one cleanly out of PNC Park. Typical of the Pirates leadership, they brought Sid in too late to help the team. Next year, though, watch out! Right after the Pens win the Stanley Cup, Sid will slide over for a little Designated Batter action, then provide some hip check pass protection for the Steelers. We were going to win the Lombardi anyway but Sid on the team guarantees it.

This is one of the reasons I love Pittsburgh sports. Well, most sports, anyway. I am still holding out on the Bucs. The Pens are more than Sid Crosby. The rest of the team gets in on the fun. They all give back, too. This year, Penguin players continued the tradition of delivering season tickets to fans in the city. This has got to be one of the best things players can do. Sure, you have to get face licks from goofy poodles in Crosby jerseys but what a great way to show fans you appreciate them. Being a sports fan gets pretty pricey these days. It's nice to know the players see us as more than just a paycheck. Is that Sid's influence on the team or a smart marketing move? When Talbot, Flower or Crosby walks up your driveway and trades high fives with your kids, who really cares? Way to go, guys.

But, back to those college kids. They could also say that the Steelers have always been the best team in football. This has been true for much longer than 1992. I think it was back in 1823, when Art Rooney saved the Steeler's train from going over the cliff into Eastwood Ravine. Wait. Wrong story.

Except for that brief period they call the 80s, the Steelers have rocked for almost 40 years. If we had been able to snag Dan the Man when he came out of Pitt, the 80s might have been a high point, too. There are not a lot of places where NFL fans would consider a 9-7 season a failure. Detroit has parades when their team wins three games. Cleveland might not completely suck this year and win four or five games. Then again, it IS Cleveland. Maybe they will just suck again. I can't imagine being a Browns fan. It's almost as bad...as...being...a...Pirates...fan. Oh, crap, that was a downer.

Okay, Bucco fans, before you get suicidal, think of it this way: the Pirates could be the Dorian Gray of sports. They stay in the basement, getting worse every year, while the Steelers and the Penguins rack up trophy after trophy. The Burgh has three Superbowl appearances (thank you, Neil O'Donnell, for THAT pain!) and four Stanley Cup series since the Pirates demise. If the Condors were still around, they probably would have won a couple championships, too. Come to think of it, maybe the Bucs did go off that cliff into Eastwood Ravine. Hmmmm.......