Perils of Homerliness

I was going over some of the week's football news. I had some free time with the Steelers on their bye week and, let's face it, cutting grass is not all that intellectually stimulating. I reflected on what a bunch of homers we have in the world of sports. Then I started thinking: we should break down and fully define a homer. What can I say? I was bored.

Before I begin, I have to state that I am a proud homer. I believe the Steelers are the best team in football, the Penguins are the best team in hockey and the Pirates are a team in baseball. I will defend the Big Doof until he either makes the Hall of Fame or is charged with something. In the first case, he would no longer need me coming to his defense. In the latter case, I would be happy to introduce him to his new friends on D Block. Even with my homerism, I thought this was really funny:

We all know that a basic homer is someone who really, and I mean really loves his or her sports team. Think Penn State fans or, inexplicably, Browns fans. Homers love their teams for better or for worse. In the case of Browns fans, for worser or for worst. Penn State gets absolutely lambasted by a good team. The next week they beat up on East Mumford Typing Academy and everyone talks about how the boys have turned a corner. This is the year Joepa gets another national title...until the Nittany Lions get their butts kicked again.

We see a lot of homerliness in the team blogs, naturally, and in the local news. I guess this is normal though, like in everything else, Philadelphia breaks the mold. Their homers kvetch at every opportunity. This past weekend, the Eagles travelled across the country and played a decent game against the 49ers. They came away with an exciting win. Instead of being happy for the home team, Philly sports writer Bob Ford wrote one of the most depressing articles about a win I've ever read. Chill out, dude! Your team won with your back-up franchise quarterback, who took the place of your redemption project quarterback who will never start, who took the place of your new franchise quarterback who wasn't all that good to begin with, who took the place of your old franchise quarterback who just whooped your team last week. Hmm. Maybe Ford has a point.

The ones I really love are the national pundits who change an opinion faster than I can change channels. For guys like Phil Simms, whoever is winning is the best team in football (I told you they were great!) unitl the other team pulls ahead (you know, their defense has some pretty big holes!) Romo and the 'Boys manage not to suck for one week and beat the Texans. Woohoo! We always knew Romo was that elite quarterback Jerry Jones promised he would be! Next week, CLANG! Romo falls back to Earth. (Speaking of Jerry J., was it way too much plastic surgery that gave his face that freaky, Joan Rivers look? I'd be afraid to let him near a tailgate party grill for fear his cheeks would melt off.) The Titans and Falcons put together some very good games and the TV genuises talk about them like they are the best teams on the planet. Why is it they never mention that both teams are only very good when not playing teams called Steelers? It was a smidge gratifying not to have to hear all that Chris Johnson 2500 yard season crap anymore. And to think, all it took was a 34 yard day of running into a guy named Timmons. CJ can still make his goal but he has to run for 387.3 yards per game to it.

Sadly, I continually bounce from station to station during the pregame shows to tune out, rather than tune in. I am still trying to figure the need to fill the opinionated ass slot for each of these shows. Do we really need football versions of Bill O'Reilly on every network? I have to flip channels every time those two tools, Irvin and Sapp, start yabbering on NFL Network. Prior to the Tampa Bay game, both were talking about how easy it would be to beat the Steelers D. "Just push them off the ball." "You can move the ball on the Steelers." I thought these guys were loud mouthed jerks when they were playing. And someone thought giving them a national pulpit was a good thing? ESPN: Keyshawn. CBS: Shannon. (though he is very knowledgeable, he bugs the crap out of me!) Fox: Terry. (Yeah, I know it is sacrilege but, sometimes, the guy just won’t shut up!) NBC: Is Keith Oberman still on? What an arrogant ass he is. I stopped watching because of him. NFL Network had to one-up the competion by putting two mouths next to each other. Can we please go back to Woodson and Terrel Davis arguing while Rich Eisen played the straight man?

All right, enough whining, back to football! MiniVan Gundy posted a great bit in preparation for the Steelers/Browns game this weekend:

Colt McCoy Obituary

I fully expect the Steelers to win easily. In fact, I expect every Pittsburgh receiver to catch at least one touchdown and Rushhard to set seven or eight rushing records. I conservatively estimate that the Big Doof will throw for 1409 yards, give or take. I heard a rumor that the NFL was instituting a Mercy Rule for this game. By the end of the second quarter, Woodley will be replaced by the beer vendor. Ike gets pulled in favor of the Sno-Cone guy (who actually snags two interceptions.) Polamalu has to walk on his hands and the line has to play without shoelaces. And we have to play with one of their crappy quarterbacks. That should even it up.

If we lose this game, I am SO toast!

By the way, congrats to the Penguins for laying an absolute slobberknocker on the Broad Street Bullies! Sid is the Man!