Monday, October 4, 2010

Et tu, Ed?


                Verily, TMQ, I have angered the Football gods

So, tell me, what was my downfall? Was it the fact that I used a cheesy George McFly picture? Was it the fact that I brought it up at all? All I did was predict that the Steelers would be undefeated and win the Super Bowl. The football gods chortled to themselves at the end of the game. I can just see them. "Hey, Phil, that Devlin guy just called for an undefeated Steelers season! Ha!" "Oh, cool, Sid! Let's make them get beat. By Baltimore. In Pittsburgh. Last minute catch in the endzone by Houshmazillie! That'll really rub it in!" (Right. Even the football gods can't spell Housyourmama.) "Oh, wait, Phil, let's give that jagoff, Ray Lewis, an interception to end the game!" Hardy har har, football gods. You got me. Can you please back off now? Go mess with the Jets. What a bunch of cocky slugs they are!

And you want to know who really let me down? The offensive line? No. They just couldn't get us a DAMN FIRST DOWN!!! Jeff Reed? No. He might have made one of those two kicks if the offensive line could have gotten us a DAMN FIRST DOWN!!! Charlie Batch? No. He was fine. Except when he ran into Flozell, who was busy not getting us a DAMN FIRST DOWN!!! No, I am saving all my angst for Ed Hoculi. I thought Mr. Big Guns was the man. I thought he was for truth, justice and the Black and Gold. I am not saying that the game was poorly officiated or that the officiating cost us the game. Our inability to get a DAMN FIRST DOWN!!! cost us the game. But why, in the wide, wide world of sports, was Michael Oher allowed to false start on every play? Was Ed thinking, "Dude, you have to go against Harrison. He's going to hand you your butt unless I even things up" or maybe "I wonder if he can introduce me to Sandra Bullock." Whatever the case, the Blind Side extended to the refs where that guy was concerned. I would pay good money to see some poor schlub have to block Deebo without an assist.

                              Hmmm......a referee conspiracy?
               Or did I get a penalty for giving him the business?

One of the things that really bugged me the past couple weeks is how niceness seems to be busting out all over. The Big Doof and our man, Ray, are texting each other for support. How nice. Potsie and Ray Ray are actually buds. Wonderful. T-Ocho are holding hands and being such good friends and everything is fine in Cincy. We really respect the Ravens cause they are such a fine, fine football team. Oh, yack! Are you people serious? Are you so afraid of leaving bulletin board material that you have to make up crap about a city and a team we hate? With the recent trend of bringing back old Steelers, can we please bring back Joey Porter? Can we get one guy in the NFL to call a scumbag a scumbag? Say what you want about Joey. The man talked smack then backed it up. I have a lot of respect for the guy.

I guess it is left to the fans. There is no way on God's green earth that I will give in. Ask me if there is anything good about Baltimore and I will tell you that I like the Inner Harbor. You can see all the boats and the water and don't have to look at the city. I'm okay with that. What good can we say about Cleveland. Um. Um. Nope, sorry, drawing a blank. I used to love the t-shirt that said, "The only sign of intelligent life in Cleveland:" and it had a picture of a highway sign with "Pittsburgh - 60 miles." In Cincinnati, they are still waiting for Carson Palmer to arrive. Yep, this is his year! Oops, wait, no, it's THIS year. I mean, this is the year. How long will this go on?

Actually, there was a great story out of Baltimore a few days ago. Remember when the Steelers released Byron Leftwich to free a roster spot for the weekend, then signed him again on Monday? The Rat Birds tried to do the same thing with Trevor Price. After he got cut, he drove north and signed with the Jets. How pathetic does your team have to be when players are defecting to other teams? I can see it now: road games will be like Russian cultural exchanges. Some big woman in a babushka, sitting on the team bus to keep players from escaping. Maybe a Checkpoint Charlie on the Jersey Turnpike for player exchange. Where will it end?

                      "Please to be taking your seat, Todd.
                      You cannot go play for the Vikings."

Honestly, I have a hard time busting on Cleveland and Cincy. There are only so many insults you can heap before it becomes old hat. It's just too easy and I end up feeling like the guy who picks on the goofy kid with glasses. As much as I hate them, the Ravens are a decent team (who get really lucky, now and then, and beat us.) They have some self respect so it is a fair exchange. Steeler fans are left with the option of picking on the Browns and the Clowns or go outside the division. Our choices are to go old school and hate teams who used to be in our division, like the Titans; hate the teams who dissed the Towel, like the Titans; or hate teams who just tick us off, like the Titans. We can hate on teams who passed on Ben, like the Chargers and the Giants; or teams with crappy, overrated quarterbacks, like the Chargers and the Giants; or teams who just tick us off, like the Chargers and the Giants. We can hate on teams who jump ahead of us in the draft to take Revis, like the Jets; or teams filled with snotty, obnoxious ex-Ravens, like the Jets; or teams who just tick us off, like the Jets.

You might notice a pattern. There is a reason I don't play fantasy football. It is very hard to field a team that consists only of Steelers, former Steelers who still speak well of the Burgh and players from the few teams who haven't ticked me off. Yet. 

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