The Good, the Bad and the Pirates

Every year, some wizards at Beloit College put together a list of cultural changes in the lives of new college students. I'm sure you've seen the list. Kids going to college this year never made Jiffy Pop, used bar soap or got up to change the channel. But Beloit missed one key cultural change. The Class of 2014 was born in 1992. For them, the Pirates have always been a crappy team. For them, it is completely normal to hear someone call, "Wait till next year!" while still in Bradenton for spring training.

But not this year. NO way! We have our secret weapon. Okay, I know it's September. Yes, I know that the Buccos would have to win six games every day for the next month just to reach mediocre. I also know that the Pirates are 743 games under .500. I got all that. But there is.........hope! Our secret weapon has arrived:

Yep, the kid that saved Pittsburgh is back. Apparently, Sidney can swing more than one kind of stick. He showed up at Pirates batting practice and knocked a couple to the wall. Then he went to the yard, putting one cleanly out of PNC Park. Typical of the Pirates leadership, they brought Sid in too late to help the team. Next year, though, watch out! Right after the Pens win the Stanley Cup, Sid will slide over for a little Designated Batter action, then provide some hip check pass protection for the Steelers. We were going to win the Lombardi anyway but Sid on the team guarantees it.

This is one of the reasons I love Pittsburgh sports. Well, most sports, anyway. I am still holding out on the Bucs. The Pens are more than Sid Crosby. The rest of the team gets in on the fun. They all give back, too. This year, Penguin players continued the tradition of delivering season tickets to fans in the city. This has got to be one of the best things players can do. Sure, you have to get face licks from goofy poodles in Crosby jerseys but what a great way to show fans you appreciate them. Being a sports fan gets pretty pricey these days. It's nice to know the players see us as more than just a paycheck. Is that Sid's influence on the team or a smart marketing move? When Talbot, Flower or Crosby walks up your driveway and trades high fives with your kids, who really cares? Way to go, guys.

But, back to those college kids. They could also say that the Steelers have always been the best team in football. This has been true for much longer than 1992. I think it was back in 1823, when Art Rooney saved the Steeler's train from going over the cliff into Eastwood Ravine. Wait. Wrong story.

Except for that brief period they call the 80s, the Steelers have rocked for almost 40 years. If we had been able to snag Dan the Man when he came out of Pitt, the 80s might have been a high point, too. There are not a lot of places where NFL fans would consider a 9-7 season a failure. Detroit has parades when their team wins three games. Cleveland might not completely suck this year and win four or five games. Then again, it IS Cleveland. Maybe they will just suck again. I can't imagine being a Browns fan. It's almost as bad...as...being...a...Pirates...fan. Oh, crap, that was a downer.

Okay, Bucco fans, before you get suicidal, think of it this way: the Pirates could be the Dorian Gray of sports. They stay in the basement, getting worse every year, while the Steelers and the Penguins rack up trophy after trophy. The Burgh has three Superbowl appearances (thank you, Neil O'Donnell, for THAT pain!) and four Stanley Cup series since the Pirates demise. If the Condors were still around, they probably would have won a couple championships, too. Come to think of it, maybe the Bucs did go off that cliff into Eastwood Ravine. Hmmmm.......